Don's October Book Report is all about Trust!

Ever ready with a new book for us to read, Don Kardux's recommendation this month looks like a great read!  And it takes on the topic of trust which is integral to all that we hope to accomplish in CN!

Don shares, "Rob Falke, president of The National Comfort Institute (NCI), based in Cleveland, and my dear friend and client for over twenty-two years recommended that our team read and review this book.

Thanks Rob.

Great choice!

Stephen M.R. Covey is the son of Stephen M. Covey of 'Seven Habits Of Highly Effective People' fame, and the great grandson of Stephen Mack Covey and the father of Stephen Covey.

Do you see a pattern here? I do and it is in patterns.

'The Speed of Trust' reveals patterns of behavior which when discovered and more importantly applied can 'Change Everything'  for the better.

The 'Speed' refers to the truth that when people 'Trust' each other, good outcomes take less time than when there is less trust.

Some believe you have trust or you don't.

Covey says, "We can increase trust - much faster than we might think - and in doing so will have a huge impact, both in the quality of our lives and in the results we are able to achieve."

He divides trust into five waves.

They are: Self, Relationship, Organizational, Market, and Social trust.

Sounds kind of dry doesn't it.

But it isn't.

This book is filled with great experiences.

Some are from the author and many more are pulled from others.

All focus on a visual metaphor introduced on page fifty-seven.

A complete tree has parts that are the four cores of credibility which are essential to trust.

Core 1 - Integrity - Are you Congruent? - The roots.

Core 2- Intent- What's your agenda?- The trunk .

Core 3- Capabilities - Are you Relevant?- The branches.

Core 4- Results - What's your track record? - The fruit produced.

The second wave of trust, Relationship, clarifies thirteen behaviors, which when understood and used can strengthen and even repair broken trust.

A most hopeful  revelation happens on page three hundred. 'Restoring Trust  When It Has Been Lost'.

Stephen writes, "As I said in Chapter 1, the ideas that trust cannot be restored once it is lost is a myth. Though it may be difficult, in most cases, lost trust can be restored - and often even enhanced."

Like his Father and Great Grandfather before him Stephen M.R. Covey presents a practical way to make things better.

If you believe that you or a group you belong to has trust issues, this book can be illuminating and helpful.

 

He LIstened!

As a networker, I always keep a bunch of pens in my purse.  Or maybe it is better said, I just keep a bunch of pens in my purse!  They are ones that I collect along the way from various businesses that use them for promotional purposes.

I was using one such pen at my Board of Action meeting.  For those of you who are saying what the heck is a Board of Action (BOA) it is a group of grads of my class that want to help the grad community to grow and be prosperous.  Sort of like a Board of Adviser on steroids.  One of my very loyal members, Rick Reichow, an newly independent insurance agent, noticed that I was using a pen of his competitor.  Being the smart aleck that I am I told him that the pen he had given me would not work.  He said that he would take care of it!

Being even more of a brat, I said that I liked blue ink, too!  (With me you don't need enemies!)

So yesterday, Rick came up to me at our BNI meeting and gave me a Martin Lark Insurance Agency pen.  And it wasn't your old run of the mill pen.  It is a gorgeous green, with a little penlight feature AND IT HAS BLUE INK!  That pen is not your 89 cent variety, but probably didn't cost $10 either.  All I know is that it was not about the pen, but about the thoughtfulness of Rick.  He made my day.

Who has made your day recently?

Ouch, That Hurts!

As I look back over my career, I remember all the lessons I learned by experience!

One time as a sales person I was so frustrated with a client and I told him so in no uncertain words.

At that time I worked for a payroll service company and had taken on this restaurant client mid year, so they would start on our service at the beginning of the third quarter.  For those that are unfamiliar with the process, I had to take all their records from January to June 30, make them balance; be sure they had paid their payroll taxes and generally tidy everything so we had a good clear slate when we began July 1.  The client literally gave me a shoe

box of information for both companies.  I had a long weekend vacation planned but canceled because I knew it wasn't going to be a one hour job as this was back in the day before computers were in everyone's hands.  I had to use the old fashioned ten-key calculator.  On Tuesday when we called to get the first payroll information to run their payroll, the jerk (really, I'm over it!) owner said that he had changed his mind.  I called him to find out what the issue was and he just said that he didn't want to use our service and would I please forward his records to him.  I may  have said some not so nice things back to this person.

When I mentioned my conversation with our owner, he got one of those looks on his face that told me I was in trouble.  Not only did he tell me that I had to apologize for my behavior but that I had to do it in person.  My job depended on it.  To this day I still think I  was right, but I wasn't the boss!

What I did learn was to never burn a bridge for various reasons, all very logical. But the real one that stays with me to this day is that I never want to have to beg for forgiveness in person EVER AGAIN.

Really I'm over it!  (I think this post is about relationships and how to maintain them....I think!)

What's a lesson you remember?????

Another Goodbye

The thing about relationships is that they are wonderful!

The thing about relationships is that at the same time they can be painful.

Today, Steve and I decided that our wonderful little brown, stripped, tabby cat, Maizy, was not living a good life.  So a little after five this evening we said a sad goodbye to her as Doc Martin helped to ease her from this life.  Our new puppy, Gable, has made it his job to torment her with his antics and last night she finally nailed him with a claw to his dew flap.  This frail little cat had a hold of that flap of skin pulling it away from his mouth.  I wanted to do a cheer leading jump in her triumph.  In the old days, the other four dogs that are no longer here either, knew who was the head of the household and it wasn't any of the four.  They would steer a wide path around her especially when she was sitting on the ottoman at the perfect height to slash with those ever sharp claws.

It has been sixteen fun years with her since she appeared at our window one summer evening as a very small kitten.  The best memory is of her running around with a lime green cast on one hind leg after being stepped on by one of the giant dogs. The vet had told us to keep her quiet, but he forgot to tell her.  She even fell into the water garden pond while jumping from rock to rock.  Evidently she was no worse for wear when the cast came of many weeks later.

I will miss Maizy, but know that in the past couple days her congestive heart failure was worsening.  I am sad.

How to Measure

At one of my speaking engagements in the last couple weeks, one person asked how you measure networking relationships.  Wow!  Such a short question that requires a complex answer.  For the sake of quick read I will give the Reader's Digest version.

Usually we inherently know the strength or level of relationships without thinking too much about it. 

Our best friends are at the highest level

and then

acquaintances are down a couple notches. 

Of course those new people that we've just met are at the very elementary level.

Keeping these above examples in mind when going about business networking is helpful.

Those who you known for awhile and who you know you can trust, are like best friends.  You can count on them to be helpful and do what they say they are going to do!


Others you've met just a couple times, are similar to acquaintances.  We need to get to know each of them better so we know whether they are best friend material.

And finally, that person you just met at the networking event, they have a ways to go to begin moving up the relationship ladder.

That is a simple answer.  So now each person you know can be "rated" and then once that is done, you can decide what to do to increase the level of the relationship.

Not rocket science, but helpful.

Something interesting has happened.

Those of you who read this blog might remember that our beloved yellow Lab, Gable, died this year. Now we are left with just one dog, Owen, a liver and white, Springer Spaniel.

At one time Owen was a member of a four dog pack, and was definitely #4 in the pecking order. He was an obnoxious little pest, always wanting MORE attention. In Gable's last years, Owen tried to take over as top dog, barking and growling at Gable. Even in his weakest moments, Gable just brushed aside all this nonsense.

Well, guess what. Now that Owen is top dog and is an only dog, he is quite fun. I actually am beginning to like him. He still needs more than enough attention, but I guess he's making up for lost time. Now that I get to focus on him, he is a better dog.

Or is it more about my attitude?

It sort of parallels a business friend relationship that evolved over the last year. I had always kept this person at arm's length, but because of a couple situations, I spent more individual time with this person. And you guessed it, I now want to spend more time with this person.

A good lesson for me. Taking the relationship deeper in both instances meant that I gained more in the end.

Tell me about a situation where this happened for you.

Stones and Tea

I am listening to the new book Stones into Schools by Greg Mortenson, who also is the author of the wildly successful, Three Cups of Tea.

In the original book, Mortenson relates that he makes a commitment to build schools in the mountains of Pakistan because the members of a village saved his life as he was near death coming back from a mountain climb. He begins the project as a typical American, wanting to get things done and done quickly. A village elder instructs him to take a slower approach, explaining that Greg needs to have three cups of tea with folks as he does business. "With the first you are a stranger, the second you are a friend and the third you are family and we will do anything, including put our life on the line for family."

I am only at the beginning of the second book, but already the author has caught my ear! He explains that he builds schools in the outer reaches of civilization because no one else will go to the ends of the earth to do so. And for one village, it took him not three cups of tea, but 8 years of three cups of tea, winning the favor of the village leader before he was given the go-ahead.

That story made me think about how we "civilized folk" are so willing to quit after just a short time. I hear all the time from networkers that "this person or that person didn't help me (in the time I had devoted to this relationship) so I am moving on."

Now, I am the first to say that some relationships need to be left behind. But I think far too many of us fail to realize that we have to put TIME in for longer than we think necessary before we gain a return on that investment.

I think we can take so much from Greg Mortenson and what he has learned about building schools AND relationships.

I Love Melons!

Well, what can I say other than I've spent more time outside this summer than sitting in front of my computer.

I was out in the garden yesterday looking AGAIN at my cantaloupes, hoping that they will get ripe soon. It just seems that I can't hurry them along.

I laughed when I thought about how it is the same with relationships. Hoping and wishing for a fruitful return won't do the trick. Just as the melons need more sunlight and water, I need to pay attention to my friends and acquaintances if I want them to even think about remembering me.

Not a big aha, but just thought you might like the analogy.

It's a Poopy Day

Update #2

My friend Marcia, has been going through treatment for Ovarian Cancer. You can read one of the posts about it here.

While the journey has not been easy, Marcia has kept her perspective about her and has also kept her sense of humor.

After surgery in September to remove the cancerous tumors, she was having to manage a colostomy bag - albeit a temporary one, but in the moment that doesn't matter. Of all the medical issues she has had to deal with, this challenged her the most. But she got through it. And November 5 was a red letter day because the colostomy was reversed.

And in a conversation I had with Marcia on Friday, she was proud to report that, "Yes, she had already had a poopy day!" In fact, she had done the poopy dance.

Now, I ask ya', can that comment do anything but make ya' smile?

Even better are the test markers. At her caringbridge website she reports,

"At present the only marker to diagnose Ovarian Cancer is the blood test called CA125. For women who don't have cancer the average number is 35. Last Tuesday my number was 42!! The doc's will keep going with the chemo for 4 or 5 more cycles but I think the numbers tell an awesome story. (note: Marcia'a had been up over 4000 at one time.)

Words cannot express how grateful we are for your love and concern. Keep the positive energy flowing and the prayers ascending, and do the same for all you know who are dealing with this dreaded disease."

I am so proud of my friend, Marcia. She has been a mentor all my life and with this chapter in our lives, she continues to show the way.

Thanks, Marcia!

Update #1

It's update time.

Back in March of this year I wrote about my friend Mary Simmons' brother in this post. The basic concept was that because of my relationship with Mary I wanted to help publicize her sister-in-law's effort to raise money for Mary's brother's alternative treatment for his prostate cancer. This was treatment that insurance would not cover.

Last week Mary and I took some time to have coffee. Just so you know, enough money was gathered to send her brother to California for treatment. While no lifespan is ever guaranteed, her bro with be at Thanksgiving this year feeling pretty good.

Mary forwarded me an email that her sister-in-law, Gina, sent to her while they were in California.

"The doctors were thrilled with George's progress here, and believe that his journey to healing will be very successful. We are encouraged and optimistic!! It feels amazing to have this kind of support and encouragement in the midst of what has often felt like a very scary situation. He has a take-home regime of supplements and diet- all very manageable- along with the ongoing expertise and watchcare of the doctors here. We definitely don't feel alone on this path."

As we begin to roll through the month of November, I am thankful for all the friends I have and how full they make my life. The relationships add depth to my life experience. Mary's story is just one example of how that happens!

Can You Belive?

In the Certified Networker course we use three letters, V-C-P, to have a way to describe the level of relationship. V is visibility, C is credibility and P is profitability.

With that being said, you also need to know that Steve and I live out in the country on 13 acres of what we like to call prairie, but what others would call a big farm field! The hawks are fun to watch out here as they soar over the field looking for a little "lite" lunch. Sometimes one will sit right outside our bathroom window, a foot or two away from the bird feeder, waiting for a little fast food!

Last night the two Springers (that is a picture of Owen looking particularly smart.) were out being dumb as usual. We could see them across the pond circling and pouncing on something. Steve went out to investigate and no, it was not a snake, nor was it a cat from the barns across the road.

No, it was a hawk. And it had an injured leg or maybe a wing, or maybe both. Steve rescued it and brought it in. It is pretty interesting up close. He did call Nature's Nursery, the wildlife rescue organization, but as far as I know they have not yet called back. So the hawk has taken up residence in the barn.

Back to V-C-P. With all the hawks, I think they are magnificent, but my relationship has always been one of very early visibility. They would fly away immediately when I came close. To keep this wonderful (I know, I know, they are not nice birds, but they are still beautiful.) bird, wild; we will try not to imprint on it. But wow, I do love being at just a little higher level of visibility so that I can see it up closer than ever before.

With most humans I want my relationships to develop to high credibility and hopefully, profitability with some. But I am happy with keeping this connection at a low level relationship, because that's what's best.

So what interesting happened on your Sunday afternoon?

Shared Dining

Last night Steve and I went to dinner at one of our favorite new restaurants -- La Scola. We happen to know the owners but that's not what this is about.

Our food was tasty -- but that's not what this is about.

The ambiance was warm and inviting -- but that's not what this is about.


The service was impeccable -- but that's not what this is about.

What this is about is the tone of the restaurant.

Cheryl and Gus Nicolaidis have created such a friendly atmosphere that what happened to us last night probably happens all the time to others.

We were seated at a table along the wall banquette. There was another couple at the table next to us. The tables are far enough away to provide privacy, if wanted, but yet close enough to encourage conversation.

And that's exactly what happened when the appetizer arrived at our table. The guy next store asked what it was. Knowing that Steve and I could not eat the whole appetizer (nor did we need it) we offered some of it to him. At first he politely refused, but we wore him down. We ended up chatting through both of our dinners. In the small world we live in today, the women's son lives quite near us, and she has a small farm for sale within a couple miles of us. We will probably never see them again, but it was fun to add a dimension to our dining experience that we had not expected.

And that's what this is about.

Cheryl and Gus has created a wonderful restaurant where not only is the food yummy, service great and the place beautiful, but because of their friendliness, they have set the tone for their patrons to be friendly, too.

They understand clearly that relationship is a factor in the success of a restaurant.

What wonderful dining experiences have you had and what made them so special?

Stupidity vs. the Liar

This past weekend the mayor of Toledo, Carty "the mouth" Finkbeiner again made Toledo look really stupid. You see the marines from Grand Rapids, MI, had planned an urban exercise for the weekend in Toledo. They had all their advance permissions to do this, as they have done before. Or so they thought. As they were arriving, a representative of the mayor met their first bus and basically told them that the welcome mat had been withdrawn. You can read about this here.

But I guess we have to put stupidity in relation to lying and cheating. Here's why.

On the 27th of January when we were in the Detroit airport, waiting for our flight to Costa Rica, the big story was that the mayor of Detroit, Kwame Kilpatrick, had lied under oath about whether he had an intimate relationship with a top aide. This was during a whistle blower trial a couple years ago where two police officers were saying that they were fired because of their investigation of his security detail having covered up such a relationship. The case was settled out of court and cost the city 8.2 million dollars, paid for by tax dollars. Detroit, like any major city is cash-strapped at best.

Fast forward to now. The Detroit Free Press got their hands on some records of text messages that Kwame and his aide sent to each other on city-owned phones. The graphic messages left nothing to be imagined. It was obvious that there had been an intimate relationship. Kilpatrick's studly response is, "No, I'm not going to resign. After all, I'm a guy, I'm a dude, I'm a man, I'm a person, I've got a wife and children. There are things I don't want out on the street."

So there you have it folks. You have to put it in perspective.

Carty = stupid
Kwame = cheat
Carty = $10,000 loss to the Marines for expenses
Kwame = $8.6 million loss to the citizens of Detroit

This in no way lets Carty off the hook. Please Carty, get someone to talk for you and stop making us look stupid. I don't care if you want to personally look like you didn't get past second grade, but I am tired of getting swept into your little forays.

But this is not the end of this whole story.

You see, buried in the Detroit article about good ole' boy Kwame, is the fact that his aide resigned the day after this all hit the papers. Yep, you got it.

The woman took the fall.

For that I am livid. Kwame struts around like a little Banty rooster, while the woman slinks off to lick her wounds.

What's wrong with this picture?

New Sales Manager Tips #1

As promised, I am going to share my first ever article published in Selling Power Magazine. (I think it was actually entitled Personal Selling Power Magazine in those days, around 1994.)

So here we go;

Being named sales manager to an existing sales team means that you must immediately be ready to lead in order to gain the trust and support of your team members. Listed below are nine concepts to accelerate that leadership process. (I listed three in this post today and will do the same tomorrow and the next.)

1. Know their names. Memorize the names of your team members in advance of your first day. Also learn names of all other staff members, because you will seem to fit in and consequently people will feel comfortable with you, which is the first step in gaining trust.

2. Have a flexible plan. Your team members will expect direction from you, even the experienced ones will appreciate knowing what your plans are.

3. Schedule regular sales meetings. Besides the usual information, allow time for recognition and education. "World's Records" permits each sales person to brag about a significant happening in his life, either business or personal. ("The baby slept through the night," or "I finally got the Smith account.") Also, have everyone tell what they learned in the past week. It allows each team member to help train because probably the others need to know that piece of information, too.

When you think about the above three tips, they are all about developing relationships quickly, so that the team members feel they can trust the new guy (or gal.)

Tune in for three more tips tomorrow.

Do you have any stories about sales managers you've had in your career?

Tenth Anniversary Celebration

Yesterday, September 15, was my friend, Sandy Pirwitz's
10th Anniversary of her store, Sandy's Stuff for Women. I am very proud of her. She was a nurse, and a very well-known one, for 30 years. In fact, if you google Sandy Pirwitz, the sixth entry down is an article in the Journal of Infection Control where she is listed as a major author.

She had a huge sale to celebrate the anniversary, giving back to her customers in a big way. I stopped by to take a card, take a picture and just to lend support. I left my purse in the car, never having an inkling that I would spend any money.

I should know better. Let me tell you about the bargains I got.

1. A dark brown, medium-wale corduroy pants suit, labeled from Casual Corner for $29. I'll need to have the pants altered, but no matter, that's a deal.

2. A cream and brown tweed jacket, that zips up the front. Another steal for $17.

3. A cream-colored with brown trim, cotton and spandex sweater set for $14.

4. A necklace and earrings with fall colors and leaves for $16.

And on top of that everything that I purchased was 20% off.

Sandy had a goal of hitting the $2000 mark in sales yesterday. I hope she hit it. My deals were so good, that I feel like I robbed her of reaching that mark.

Oh yeah, you'd think that the only thing she'd want to do last night was to go home a put her feet up. No, not Sandy. She's involved with a play called the Birth Project that was presented last night in Maumee. This play had a "talkback" session after the play with two local doctors. Sandy helped the producer to connect with these doctors and in that vein, she'll be there supporting those docs and giving to the community because that's what Sandy's all about.

Thanks, Sandy for all you do. Happy Anniversary.

ed. note: 9/16/07 Sandy reported that not only did she hit her goal, an all time high, but she went over by 20%. Bravo!

Connection Surprises

Certainly one of the many memorable points of my vacation, was a visit to the Phipps Conservatory in Pittsburgh. This is a wonderland for plant and flower lovers. That's me!

Deanna and Bob Schmitt, my BNI connection in Pittsburgh, are also my out-of-the-box, experiences, friends. Whenever I visit, Deanna always has something surprising planned for us to do.

We had visited the Phipps in a previous trip and of course I was enthralled. But this time it was amazing. You see, the renowned artist, Dale Chihuly, has an exhibit of his wonderfully bright, sparkly and unbelievably creative glass work, spaced among the plants. I can't find words to describe the experience, other than, if you are in the Pittsburgh area, drop everything and visit this exhibit. You won't be sorry.

Which takes me back to connections. The relationships I build are always full of surprises. Deanna is one of my very best friends. Our friendship spans close to twenty years. She is the one I go to with business questions related to networking. We produce a podcast together called Networking on the Chin. We rely on each other for all kinds of things. But the best part of the friendship is what I call my cultural wing. She stretches and forces me to use it to fly.

What friend helps to round out your life in ways different than you expected when you first met them?