Peachy Networking

I took some time off on this past Monday morning to can peaches.  I had been busy all weekend with out-of-town guests and also a company picnic at our house.  Hence having to take some time "off" yesterday.  They are now done and I can get back to the office!

As I was going through the canning steps, I thought about how it was so like networking!  It seemed like it took a lot of time to gather all the appropriate tools and then to get the the syrup made, the peaches peeled and ready to go into the jars.  The last steps of jarring them and then placing them into the steaming water bath took the least time.  And of course eating them next winter will be the payoff for this effort.

When I think about strategic networking, as opposed general, free-form networking, (for me that means meeting with someone with an idea in mind of what I would like to accomplish) it is so very similar to processing peaches!  It takes a lot of time to develop all the resources needed to have a high level referral partner.  I have to make attempts to meet with new folks to winnow down the large group to a smaller few that can be groomed further.  Beyond that I have to determine ways that might be possible to work together.  All this needs to be done and also have time and money spent on that process.  Then and only then can I reap the benefits of having someone call me to say, "Hey, I have a referral for you."  Just like savoring peaches mid-winter AND just as satisfying!

What a Difference a Day Makes!

Normally, when we think of networking we think of a business setting.  But really networking is all about developing that oh so important relationship -- in all areas.

This past week I had the experience of having the best and the worst in the medical world  -- and it was all about relationships.

Wednesday, I had my final follow-up appointment  in regard to my cataract surgeries.  I expected a 2 minute appointment with a doctor that I didn't even know, basically to get my eyes measured for a new eyeglass prescription.  When the doc asked how I was doing, I answered, "The cataracts are great, but my dry eyes are horrendous."  I expected him to defer, because of course I was not his patient in regard to that condition.  He surprised the heck out of me by sitting down and spending about 45 minutes (or so it seemed) with me, facing me, making eye contact and giving me information and resources that I had not been given by any other doctor.  He also gave me his card that included his personal cell phone number that he pointed out and said, "Please text me if you have any questions or want me to prescribe the drug that I gave you a sample of."  For those of you in the Toledo area, this gentleman's name is Dr David Bejot.  I would recommend him highly.

Thursday was another story.  I had an appointment with the dry eye specialist at the Kellogg Center at the University of Michigan.  In November I met with this doctor.  He prescribed a treatment where my tear ducts were permanently closed.  I told him that I was willing to do this, but that it was not going to solve the problem, because I had had Puntal Plugs (which do the same thing until they fall out) for years and it helps, but doesn't solve the underlying problem.  He told me to be positive.  Well to make a long story short,  as I had thought, it didn't work.  The reason for my second appointment was to determine what advanced treatments I could get.  I also took my daughter-in-law along and my hubby.  During the appointment, the doctor agreed that more serious treatment was necessary and he suggested the PROSE lens.  Hubby asked, "Will she wear those for the rest of her life?" and the docs said, "Yes, until she can't." 

Well, of course I wanted to know exactly what that meant.  He gave me a another non-answer and
then turned his back to me to work on his computer.  When I asked again to understand what he meant, he lashed out (still with his back to me) and said that he felt like a two year old with my questions.  At that point my daughter-in-law spoke up and said, Dr. ______, "I think you need to adjust the way you are speaking to my m-i-l, because no one speaks to her like that."  I then asked what the first step in the process was.  Again no answer.  Still his back to me.  At this, he stood and said, "Follow me."  What he was doing was taking me to a scheduling desk to make an appointment to see the doctor who actually fits the lens.  BEFORE ALL MY QUESTIONS WERE ADDRESSED.  I would NEVER recommend this man even if he were the last doctor on this earth.

The medical community is pushed to rush patients through appointments by insurance and big medical companies that want more patients per hour.  I totally understand that.  BUT, I challenge each of them to actually see the patient as a person, a real live person. Even if it is only for two minutes. It's all about the relationship, or in Thursday's case -- not!  And for those of you wondering.  At the scheduling desk, the helpful lady said that Dr. _______ had noted that I was to come back in 4 weeks to see him for a follow-up.  My d-i-l stood up for me and said, "No, we would like to choose a different doctor." 

I became aware of a couple helpful tips during my medical journey last week. 

1.  Don't assume that a doctor can't or won't help!
2.  If I am being bullied, I can leave the appointment immediately.
3.  I will always take someone with me to these types of appointments in the future.
4.  I can change doctors just because I want to!
5.  I have a right to be treated with respect my anyone, including those in the medical  community.

After all, if my relationship with the doctor has not garnered a bit of relationship and credibility, then, I won't be assured that this person can help me.

What has been your experience in regard to medical communication?

A Well Taught Lesson

What can I learn from an orange cat?  Many things, especially in the networking world!

You see, last winter, that ferocious winter, all of a sudden an orange tabby appeared on our doorstep.  When I opened the door the first time, he walked right in.  I put him out because my hubby said that he didn't want the cat inside.  Of course, we had the slobbery dog in, but that is a different story.

So the feline stayed out ALL winter.  I guess with all the snow, he must have created an warm little igloo under the front porch, because that seemed to be his home.  I did decide to feed him, figuring that if his tummy was full, he would stay warm.

He stayed around all summer, coming to sit with me when I sat on either of the two porches.  He let me know that he was happy to be around.

Let me make this long story, short!  He is now inside.  Hubby changed his mind.  "Kitty" is the nicest cat I have ever had.  He is very loving, well-behaved and still likes to earn his keep by heading out to catch a mouse or two.

What's this have to do with networking?  Well, think about it.  He stayed around and developed a relationship over the long term.  He won me over pretty early on, but the big challenge was Steve.  That's the same as connecting with someone in the human world and then continuing to connect!  Some networkers think that if they just see a person one time, then the relationship should be profitable.  If it is not they are not willing to put in any extra time.

They could take a lesson from "Kitty."

Camping Couples

This past weekend I camped with my two sons and their families at a very nice campground, Groveland Oaks Country Park, about two hours north of Toledo.  My 13 year old granddaughter, Kaitlyn, was happy because her boyfriend and his parents were also camping at the same place.  This is a first boyfriend for her and her parents are keeping close tabs.  With smart phones, my daughter-in-law, could find out where the two were at a certain time and then do a reconnaissance foray to make sure they were telling the truth.  On the third day she insisted that said boyfriend, join us for dinner.

Networking is not just for business, because it is all about developing relationships.  Kaitlyn was resistant to bringing the boy around, probably because we would ask him "awkward" questions!  (She's probably right!) But her mom explained to her, that until they get to know him they won't trust him.  Sound familiar?

I will say that the young man did finally come for dinner and joined our crazy family.  He is a little quiet and didn't make eye contact.  So I think that is something parents need to teach their children -- how to make conversation with adults and also to look people in the eye. 

Come to think of it, I guess we all need to practice that skill!

As a parent what awkward questions have you asked the new boyfriend or girlfriend or what ones were asked of you?

How to Measure

At one of my speaking engagements in the last couple weeks, one person asked how you measure networking relationships.  Wow!  Such a short question that requires a complex answer.  For the sake of quick read I will give the Reader's Digest version.

Usually we inherently know the strength or level of relationships without thinking too much about it. 

Our best friends are at the highest level

and then

acquaintances are down a couple notches. 

Of course those new people that we've just met are at the very elementary level.

Keeping these above examples in mind when going about business networking is helpful.

Those who you known for awhile and who you know you can trust, are like best friends.  You can count on them to be helpful and do what they say they are going to do!


Others you've met just a couple times, are similar to acquaintances.  We need to get to know each of them better so we know whether they are best friend material.

And finally, that person you just met at the networking event, they have a ways to go to begin moving up the relationship ladder.

That is a simple answer.  So now each person you know can be "rated" and then once that is done, you can decide what to do to increase the level of the relationship.

Not rocket science, but helpful.

Choose Me, No Pick ME!

Just got back from vacation and attended a reception to meet the final candidates that are being selected for a job within our community.  It was an interesting display of styles.

Candidate #1 was friendly, made the rounds and did talk about the job he/she is currently doing.

Candidate #2 did the same AND mixed in personal tidbits.  AND this person asked where we lived in the area and why we would recommend it and what we thought was important about the area.

My vote goes for #2, even though I don't get to vote!  Here's why.

This person is good at quickly developing relationships.  This person also figured out that if he/she could get advice from us, that he/she would gain buy-in.  Not a bad skill to have in this economy when helping each other might mean the difference between survival and the other end of the stick.

I learned a lot just sitting back and watching this all unfold.  I'm going to figure out how to use this knowledge to everyone's advantage.  I promise!

I Couldn't Make This Up

 If it weren’t so frustrating, I would have laughed more, but the only way to handle the situation was to chuckle as I drove back to my office. 

Several days ago, I filled out a form at a website so I could become a “member” of HARO, which stands for Help a Reporter Out.  Basically, from what I understand, when people are writing articles for publication and they need additional expert comments about specific topics, they put out requests for information from experts.   

Someone sent me a suggestion that I comment on an article about “elevator speeches.”  While I did comment, I mentioned that probably I was NOT the person they wanted to talk with because delivering an elevator speech as I define it, is truly boorish behavior.  But that is a sidelight of this story.   

The real focus is that someone from the HARO hosting website called me, because I guess they use HARO as a way to find prospects for providing marketing services, specifically online marketing.  So this 22 year old (I asked) could not wrap his mind around word-of-mouth marketing, in fact he had never heard of it. 

 

He asked, “Do you have tools that your students use?” I replied that we had developed several tools that our students used.  “Does it help them with online marketing?” was the next query.  I explained that our students probably used many online tools, but that our course was really about face-to-face networking to support relationship building.  And he said, “Oh, this isn’t about business networking, then.”  I realized at that point that he didn’t know my language and I didn’t know his. 

 He asked if we could schedule a 20 minute call next week, so he could tell me all about the ways he could help me.  I declined, because while I am always ready to learn, I figure if he can’t even understand what Connext Nation is about, then how can he figure out ways to help?   

Or maybe he was practicing his elevator speech?!?

What Do You Have in Common

CPI is a term coined by Scott Ginsberg.  It stands for common point of interest.

I am always amazed at what that is with the people I meet.

For example:

In the past year or so, I 've had a passing "coffee shop" acquaintance with a gentleman I will call Sam.  Sam and I have exchanged pleasantries and a few comments about his job.

A couple days ago, I was in said coffee shop killing a little time till a 5:30 meeting.  The day had been long, so at 5 PM I treated myself to the book that I had been trying to read for about a week.  Now, I will read just about anything as long as it is interesting.  The title of this book is, "The Madman and the Professor" and it is the story of how a doctor who was committed to an asylum in England during the mid 1850's, contributed a huge amount of effort to the decades long creation of the Oxford English Dictionary (OED).  OK, so not exactly soap opera stuff and sometimes it was not easy reading, but still I was plugging along.

Sam noticed that I was reading and asked me about it.  Now not many folks would even find this worthy of seconds of their time and most wouldn't know of the momentous task of the OED. So I figured I'd get that, "Oh" comment and a bored look.  But Sam knew all this and shared more.  He loves reading stuff that others pass by and has read some complicated books twice to see if he can understand them better the second time.

While I think Sam is further along the scale in his reading tastes, I feel like we connected on a whole different level that day.

What is your most interesting CPI story or event?

The Right Way

Like me, I'm sure you all have so many requests from people you have never met to connect on Linkedin or Facebook or other social media sites.  I am a relic, so unless I already know the person I don't usually agree to the link.  Ever so often, a new person will actually be appropriate in the way the try to make the connection.  That happened last week.

Stacey Heckel is a sales rep for Paychex here in the Toledo area.  She actually took the time to customize her invitation to me instead of relying on the old, "Please join my professional network."  Because of her extra effort, I suggested that we meet for coffee.  Now having also worked in that industry in the past, I do know that this time of year most of the payroll sales reps are busier than the proverbial one-armed paperhanger.  But Stacey made the time the day before Christmas. One gold star.

Stacey didn't try to sell me on payroll.  She did ask if I had any employees and when I explained that I only had vendors, I was poised to the "Well we can do 1099s attack."  So right from the start she demonstrated that she understood the value of relationship development instead of pushing product.   Second gold star.

When she found out that I had also worked for Paychex ages ago, she asked for advice and actually listened to it.  I knew that because she then would ask more questions.  Gold star 3.

I began to tell Stacey about the networking opportunities that she didn't know about and filled her in on the details of some groups that she only knew a little about.  She took notes.  Gold star 4!

But Gold Star Five was when at the end of our conversation, Stacey turned it around and asked what she could do to help me.

I predict that Stacey will be successful in this position because in order to do so she needs to develop strong relationships with those who can refer and introduce her to business owners.  By training she is a social worker.  She likes to really help others and that training will pay off big time for her.





A  5-star meeting the day before Christmas.  Now that's what it's all about!

This past week I met with a new networking friend. She happens to represent a direct sales company and I'm always a little hesitant when meeting with folks who are independent representatives of such businesses. I don't know whether they are badly trained by the companies or just don't know better in the way they act sometimes.

I can say with great approval, that the coffee meeting went very well. We were both relaxed and just took the time to get to know each other. We found out that neither of us are the sorority type and that we just like the easy ordinary way of life. I want to get together with this person in the future and am already thinking about how I might help her.

Conversely, recently I met someone who represents the very same company and the meeting was entirely different. This person had dollar signs in her eyes and commission breath. I mean, she just couldn't stop talking about (or actually selling) her product. You can guess that I really don't want to meet this person again any time soon.

What can we learn from this? Relationship-building, which is the hallmark of great networkers, takes time. It typically takes a few meetings before each participant feels comfortable with the other. Those who try to "rush" the relationship, never get to the second or third meeting that will help to develop helpful friends, because they have scared those very people away with their overbearing sales job.

What is your experience with this?

Cuppa' Joe Became More

In December I provided training for BNI members in the Findlay, OH area. It's always a marathon for me as I do both the 3 hour Membership Success Program and an Advanced training segment that is 90 minutes in length in the same day. Between the two I have a 15 minute break.

The December session started at 3 PM, so by the time I was ready to begin Advanced Training it was 6:15. Now, just so you know, I had put a full day in already, leaving my house at shortly after 7 AM to get to my first appointment.

But I sailed through that last training. Let me tell you why!

One chapter member was registered for both sessions. Between the two, he drove to a nearby McDonald's restaurant and got enough coffee "to go" for everyone who was registered to attend and for me, too! Did the caffeine really help me? Maybe. But what I think really helped was the feeling that I got from someone being thoughtful. He explained that it was just good marketing as far as he was concerned!

I have kept this act of kindness in mind ever since that night and want to become as thoughtful as he was. Sometimes I get tunnel vision -- getting the job at hand done. Well, maybe more accurately I should say, all the time I get tunnel vision! One goal for this year is to widen that tunnel to allow me to think "outside the thoughtful box!"

Any advice?

Stick Your Hands Up and Give Me Everything You've Got

Weird phone call.

It was the last day of the year and to be real honest, I was in Big Lots trying to find a cheap glass cake cover. So there you have it!

My cell phone rang and I answered thinking it might be a friend. Instead it was a gentleman who had read my ad in the local business paper.

Here's what he said, "(No introduction) Hi, I saw your ad in the paper and wanted to buy you coffee so I can connect into your network." Now this is one reason that I don't do a lot of advertising. My course is difficult to explain in one little block of advertising real estate.

So I answered this man by asking him if he was intersted in a course about networking. "No, I just want to connect with people in your network."

Oh, so I was getting it. I thought he thought I was connected to BNI, as I am. "No, I'm a home re-modeler and I want to connect to your network. I have been a trusted re-modeler to the rich and famous and now the business isn't so good and I want to connect with your network."

Now, remember, I don't even know this guy's name yet.

So being the nice person I am, I offered to accept his offer of coffee and that I would be happy to see if there would be ways that I might help him.

He deferred.

He said that he'd think about it and call me back.

I'm thinking he wanted me to give him some name right over the cell phone. Ha!

Before I hung up, I said, "So that I will recognize you if you call back, could you give me your name?"

Talk about rushing the relationship!

That one took the cake on the last day of the year!

And no, I didn't find the cake cover.

Something interesting has happened.

Those of you who read this blog might remember that our beloved yellow Lab, Gable, died this year. Now we are left with just one dog, Owen, a liver and white, Springer Spaniel.

At one time Owen was a member of a four dog pack, and was definitely #4 in the pecking order. He was an obnoxious little pest, always wanting MORE attention. In Gable's last years, Owen tried to take over as top dog, barking and growling at Gable. Even in his weakest moments, Gable just brushed aside all this nonsense.

Well, guess what. Now that Owen is top dog and is an only dog, he is quite fun. I actually am beginning to like him. He still needs more than enough attention, but I guess he's making up for lost time. Now that I get to focus on him, he is a better dog.

Or is it more about my attitude?

It sort of parallels a business friend relationship that evolved over the last year. I had always kept this person at arm's length, but because of a couple situations, I spent more individual time with this person. And you guessed it, I now want to spend more time with this person.

A good lesson for me. Taking the relationship deeper in both instances meant that I gained more in the end.

Tell me about a situation where this happened for you.

Monkeys

Yesterday I attended the Milestones luncheon, the annual event that acknowledges seven top women in the community. Ann Baker, Director of the Toledo Zoo was one of those recognized. Ann's acceptance speech was very short and to the point AND so very right on.

Early in her career, she studied monkeys. She related that when male monkey approach adolescence, they leave the group and move from group to group. Just the opposite the young females stay with their group. Ann said, "Their success is directly related to the relationships they can build within the group. Those that do it better are more successful." She smiled and said that she thinks that's very indicative of today's women who make connections and builds those bridges.

Thanks, Ann, for the reminder of what is important.

Giving Back

I am reading (or skimming, really) Debbie Tenzer's book, Do One Nice Thing. If you're looking for a way to give of yourself, I highly recommend this book or her website.

One suggestion she makes in the book is to teach children empathy by having them help with the elderly in the neighborhood.

Whoosh!

It took me right back to my early years in Lyndonville, NY. I had a very simple upbringing in the one mile square village. Part of that was the small town atmosphere, but equally was the way my parents infused the very concept about children helping.

Next door to us, Mrs. Smith lived in a small, rather ramshackle house. She was in her 80's and lived on only her Social Security check. She also had no phone. (Can you even imagine it?????)

My parents become her lifeline. Every Sunday they fixed a plate of Sunday dinner to take to her. (She for some reason didn't want to come to our house to eat.) They also made sure her lawn was mowed and went to the post office to get her mail. I don't know for sure, but I'm guessin' that they probably went to the grocery store too.

My dad loved to garden (the acorn has not fallen far from the tree!) and Mrs. Smith allowed him to plow her property behind her big old barn as an addition to his garden. Of course, during the growing season, she received all kinds of fresh fruit and veggies.

Mom encouraged me to spend time visiting Mrs. Smith and I can remember sitting on her from porch reading and talking about Aesop's Fables and Grimm's Fairy Tales. Mrs. Smith related that she had never read them because her mother wouldn't allow it.

In networking we constantly talk about mutually beneficial relationships. My parents demonstrated that very early in my life. Everyone gained including me. I learned how important all people were in my life.

Thanks, Mom, Dad and Mrs. Smith!

Charlotte the Champion

Yesterday, I brought a new vacuum cleaner at Sears. Now I tell ya', that is not exactly my idea of a day made in heaven. I don't like to clean anyway, so the appliance is not one I pine for. However, the old vacuum has made cleaning even worse than usual because it was getting rather old and inefficient. The wheels had fallen of the beater bar floor attachment, too.

Off I went to Sears. I have had good luck with Kenmore vacuum cleaners in the past and expected the same for this time around.

But this post is not about the vacuum cleaner.

No, it is about Charlotte, the sales clerk.

Charlotte made my day.

She greeted me with a handshake. And she introduced herself and asked my name before even asking about doing business. (Relationship development 101!)

I asked her a specific question -- to tell me the differences between the various models. She knew her facts and was able to deliver them to me simply. (I am a facts person. I don't want the details. I want just enough to make a fast decision as I don't like shopping.)

She asked if I needed filters or bags for the new cleaner and just because she asked I bought. Sears must love her.

When it came time to pay, my Sears credit card was inactive. As I mentioned, I don't like to shop! Within a few short minutes she had it reactivated. No muss, no fuss.

At the end of the transaction, she extended her hand again for a final handshake.

When in recent times have you been treated like that in a store? (Please tell me about your experience if you have.)

I have to hand it to both Sears and Charlotte. I guess that Sears has a pretty good training program and also that they were smart enough the hire Charlotte.

Thanks, Charlotte. You made shopping for and then buying a vacuum cleaner the highlight of my day.

It's as Easy as One, Two, Three

Here is my thought for the day on relationship development.

Typically, most experts divide the levels of relationship into three levels. Just like in the three bears -- Goldilocks had to get to the right porridge and the right-sized chair. We have to determine with each person we meet, to what level the relationship can travel.

In the last couple years, I've realized that three levels really doesn't tell the story.

The middle level is where we gain connectivity; some people call it the relationship level and others call it the credibility level.

Here's what I propose. We need to divide that level into three segments, too. So we'd have Level 1 Relationship, Level 2 Relationship and Level 3 Relationship. Each level has descriptors of that paricular Level, which make it different from the others.

I have felt this for a long time, but it wasn't until just recently that I began to articulate it.

What do you think about this?

Pushing People Away

This morning I taught a course. Whenever I teach this course, I find that the classmates can usually help each other.

I use a defined exercise to help make that happen. Basically, I go around the room and have each person tell specifically what they are looking for in a great referral. I help them to become more specific.

Halfway around the room I met resistance. The answer I received was that this person didn't want to name any names in front of this group. What this person didn't realize was that basically he had shut down opportunities for anyone in the group to WANT to help.

There is more to the story, but it really doesn't matter.


The question is, "What do we each do to unknowingly to push people away from us?"

You Don't Say!

Way back before I went on vacation, I held a preview for our upcoming classes that will start very soon.

There were two women from the same company who had attended together. In fact, Rebecca brought Kathy with her. Because our course tuition offers a very generous discount to those in the non-profit world, both women expressed interest. It seems that each is a board member of a charity.

Out of curiosity, I asked Rebbecca to tell me about the charity she was involved with. It happens to be the Aurora Gonzalez Community Center. I shared with her that last year Certified Networker shared profits from an event with the Center and also collected over 300 children's' books for them. Kathy perked up and looked at Rebecca and said, "The non-profit I am connected with raises money for those situations and we're looking for a charity to give to."

Now these two women sit by each other in the office each day and even share client opportunities. Yet it took an outsider (me) to be the catalyst to them figuring out how they could help each other.

Kathy laughed and said, "Yeah, we each know that we leave the office to go to these board meetings, but we had never asked anything else!"

Networking is about finding out about each other. Not just the surface stuff, but the next level and the next.

What are you in the dark about with your best friend?

It Never Divides Evenly

A student in my current Certified Networker class asked a great question last week. It had to do with networking.

In several situations where she was a co-networker, her voice was drowned out. What do I mean by that?

Here's the picture.

She and a co-worker were visiting with someone their organization wanted to develop a stronger relationship with. Her co-worker took over the conversation and generally wouldn't let her have a word in edgewise.
She was mystified and realized this was one of the reasons that she doesn't like to network. It seems that someone always talks over her.

I explained that when more than two people are networking, it is more difficult and more complex. I suggested that she and her co-worker might decide to go separate ways in the future, which will give a better return on the investment of the hour or so spent. Each will come back with a stronger relationship, two for the price of one!

Basically, when three people are tying to network, somebody gets left out -- it is never an even division. When four people try to network, it is a party and while it may be fun, the relationship stays where it was before the party started.

There is one way that three people networking can work. It is when one person is introducing two other people and acts as the host to get the new people talking. But again, the good host shuts up after she or he gets the other two connected.

So to make myself perfectly clear -- to network really well, have a conversation with just one person!

Any other ideas?