Are You Coming from Scarcity?

Many years ago now, I asked one of my fellow BNI members to attend some Connext Nation event.  I don’t remember what it was, but it was probably free.  He launched into a verbal attack saying that all I wanted was money from him.  This diatribe went on for what seemed liked eternity, but probably only lasted a few long seconds.  I was so puzzled, because I am not the take it all, leave nothing behind type of sales person.

I mentioned this unfortunate incident to a friend who is much smarter than I and she said, “Debby, he is coming from scarcity.”  I had not heard this terminology before and asked for more explanation from her.  She explained that when people feel that they are not getting enough that fear takes over.  They will lash out inappropriately when pushed beyond a certain line that has been drawn in the sand by their mind.  Hence the attack that seemed to come from nowhere had been brewing for awhile and I was the unknowing trigger.  To say the least I kept my distance from this man at all times in the future.

Scarcity makes us all act in ways that we probably are not proud.  Beyond the lashing out mentioned above, we also tend to hoard or hold on tightly to anything we perceive as our own.  We don’t easily collaborate or give freely of ourselves. Recognizing these actions is important because most of us don’t want to push others out of our lives permanently.  Our emotions want more, but our actions are gaining less.

Years ago, the late Thomas Leonard, was an expert at sharing online coaching and marketing concepts.  He was way ahead of his time when he founded TeleClass.com in 1998 and had 100 TeleClasses being delivered in any one week.  I listened to many of his classes and was fortunate enough to even be on some with Thomas “live.”  A participant asked one time, “Aren’t you afraid that people are going to steal your ideas?”  I’ll never forget his reply.  He said, “I hope they do so, because I think you should give away 60% of what you have and know, but charge dearly for the remaining 40%.”  That phrase has been running through my life ever since then.

Scarcity behavior has a way of driving people and money away from you.  Is that the vibe you are putting out and if so, is it what you really want?

Don't Do This at Home!

Even the best of us bite the dust from time to time!

Today, I had an early Monday morning coffee appointment.  I looked on my calendar last night to see what my next day looked like and noticed this appointment with Amy, no last name, at Panera.  My convoluted brain immediately changed Amy to Kim (you know, three letter names!).  Kim is in my BNI chapter and I know that we have a one-to-one meeting scheduled.  Don't ask about my brain!

So when I arrived on the dot at Panera a young women was sitting at a table and she made eye contact with me like she knew me.  Not being Kim,
I was mystified.  I thought, "She just knows me from somewhere, " and to be nice I said, "Who are you meeting this morning?"  Smooth, I know!  I'm sure you've guessed the rest of the story, it was AMY and she said, "You." with a very puzzled looked on her face. 

Now to a 20 something year old, how do you explain Convoluted Brain Condition?  Try explaining this story to yourself and you'll see what I mean. 

But that's not the end, oh no! I could not remember anything about her.  Nada.  I gave myself a few minutes of thinking time by excusing myself to get coffee, but those certain brain cells did not ignite.  I do think I covered myself by saying, so tell me about what you're doing.  As soon as she said the first sentence, I put it all together.  I had met her at a networking event ONLY last week, but you know, my CBC got in the way!

What's your story that can top this????

Linked Off

So about a  year ago I had an appointment with a gentleman that was referred to me by another person who I don't know well.  We'll call my appointment guy Jake.  Jake was interested in what I had to offer him and 
asked for me to provide some specific information.  I sent the information the very next day.  I followed up with a phone call......three times.  I also texted and emailed to make sure that Jake received the information.  I did not hear one word from this man.  Rude.

Now just the other day, I received a LinkedIn message from him asking me to help him recruit new people to his company.  Ruder.

I figure I was one of hundreds of people that he contacted in the same manner, mining his LinkedIn position.  This is what I really dislike about LinkedIn and the way it is being used by some.  But really it is not this social media platform that is at fault.  Really the responsibility lies right with the user.  One who is so rude that I would NEVER refer a person to work for him.

What are your thoughts on this?

Treat Others as They Want to be Treated!

I attended a trade show recently as a visitor, not an exhibitor.  The very first booth I stopped at, I tried to engage the woman to find out more about the business she was representing.  At some point she asked me what I did.  I gave her my one sentence statement that I usually use when asked that question. 

We chatted a bit more (about her) and then I asked for and reached for one of the business cards displayed.  She said, "Those are generic cards, they don't have my name."  I asked if I could have one with her name.  Her reply was, "If all you're planning to do is to try to sell me sales training, then I don't want to give it to you."  I replied that it was not my plan; that I like to have resources that I can refer my clients to, but that it was OK, I would not bother her.  And I moved on.

I will be exhibiting this week at a trade show and as a result of my experience above, I am reminding myself to:

1.  Be kind to everyone. 

2.  Be courteous to all that are showing interest in some way. 

3.  Remember that I don't know who I'm talking to.  They may be or know the very prospect I've been trying to do business with. 

4.  Have a nice way to send people on their way...after all they have been a guest in my office (booth) away from the office!

Am I forgetting anything? 

Bad Networking Training

I could see if happening from afar.  The young sales woman was making her rounds.  I knew that she was new to the sales world and had received direction from her sales manager -- a uneducated sales manager.

Picture this, the young sales person approached each and every person with her business card extended, like a ticket to get on the ride.  Every person got the same treatment.  She asked for their card, too.  I'm sure her instructions were to pass out as many cards as possible and to gain as many in return.  As I observed her, she didn't stop to talk with anyone.  Her goal was in numbers -- the largest amount of cards to give away and to take back to the office. 

But you and I know that her manager is training her for failure.  None of those people will remember her when she uses her time to make call backs the following day.  She was just a blur to them, not memorable at all.

So sales managers of the world, please do me a favor!

Please ask your sales people to have a conversation with 3-4 people.  They can ask them what they do, what they like about their job, types of clients they are looking for or even what brought them to the networking event.  At the end of that short conversation, she can make a decision as to whether she wants or needs their business card.  And for the ones that count she can make an appointment right there at the event.

What training have you received from a sales manager, good or bad?

Going for Broken

My son, Greg. The Reluctant Networker, shared a phone conversation he had with someone who has a similar business to his, but not exactly the same.  One of Greg's connections thought it would be good for the two to be introduced to see if there might be some synergy.  Now I have to tell you that I can take lessons from my son in being nice.  He truly tries to make everyone feel comfortable and wants to see how he can help.

Evidently the introduction was made via email and this new person, let's call him Adam, and Greg decided to have a virtual coffee date.  In oldster language, that means a phone chat.

Greg said this was the most difficult phone conversation he'd had in a long time.  He tried to find common ground and was deferred.  He shared a piece information that he knew to be true and was told it was incorrect.  When he asked the types of people this person was going after, so Greg might be able to send people Adam's way, Greg was told, that's not the way we do it anymore.  That way is "old school."  H-m-m-m-m!

I don't know about you, but I sure hope the people I am meeting with are of the old school variety.  Helping others to be successful is what it's all about as far as I'm concerned.  Greg said that he wouldn't be sending anyone to Adam based on this "interesting" conversation. I don't blame him.

What do you think was going through Adam's head?

I Can Read You Like a Book!

It seems like I've run into a bad patch as far as my choices for reading. I think I've taken three books back to the library without completely reading to the end...or not even close for that matter.  It rarely happens that I let a book get the best of me, but with all the books in the world why should I waste my time on ones I don't like?

OK, so I know what you're thinking, what's this got to do with networking? Well I think we can all have a rough patch with meeting with people, too.  Maybe the last three you've met with have been absolutely obnoxious and you just want to throw in the networking towel.   Remember, just like books, there are millions to choose from.  Just move on to another selection!

What is the absolutely worst networking appointment you've ever had?  What about the best?

Put Me Out of My Misery

Karla Lewis is a good friend and even better referral partner.  She has become certified as a sales coach with Southwest Consulting, which excites me because I don't do and don't want to do traditional sales training.  Now I can send those requests to her.  But I'm getting ahead of myself.

I asked on Facebook for challenges that others face when networking.  Karla sent a comment that I'm sure we all are bothered by more than we want.  She asked, "What can I do about a person that I meet in a networking situation that talks the whole time?" 

We've all been there and probably have spent time  trying to figure out if that person can breathe through their ears, because they just don't seen to take a break. 

There are two main situations when this happens:

1)  You are at a networking event and this person comes up to you and launches their monologue.  Since you weren't expecting this salvo, you probably aren't prepared to defend yourself.  The best way to extricate yourself is to say something like, "Oh, excuse me, I have been taking all your time and I know that you want to meet a few more folks."  Now extend your hand to shake theirs (a signal that the conversation is done) and say, "Before we part, may I have your business card?"  When they give it to you say thanks and then move on.  It sounds kind of abrupt, but with this type of behavior, you can't be subtle.  Oh yeah, put a BIG x on that card, to let you know to never ever connect with that person again!

2)  You are having coffee with a new networking contact and he or she has asked for the meeting.  It is twenty minutes in and you are hating the fact that you agreed to this because this boring person is talking and talking and talking.  A couple times you had to stifle a yawn.  This is a tough situation.  Quickly decide whether you want to keep this person in your network.  If yes, you might interrupt and steer the conversation with some well-placed questions.  That way you will have control of what gets said.  If not, just interrupt and let the person know that you only have just a couple minutes to get to your next appointment and that you're sorry but you're going to have to cut this short.

I do want you to think about the person.  Are they new to networking and are they so nervous that they have diarrhea of the mouth.  Can you share how difficult it was for you as a new networker to learn to listen when all you wanted to do was talk? (you can lie a little here!)  Compassion goes a long way in the networking world.

OK, now it's your turn, what ideas do you have?

Trade Show Blues

OK, so it was only 50 bucks for the booth.  And I only spent another 50 on stuff to have at the booth.

What really ticks me off, is the networkers who tromp on my territory. Yep, that's right, they steal from me.


These are the people who visit the trade show as attendees.  These are the people who use my booth space as their booth space. 
These are the people who come up to me when I am exhibiting my company and tell me about what they are selling.  

Now, I'm not against a good old-fashioned conversation with a little give and take about what each other does.  After all, I won't know if what I have to offer is anything they would want or need if we don't.  And of course, I am very open to helping others.

But I'm talking about those rude people who are bold enough to come right up to my booth and sell what they have to offer, never asking a question about what the heck I am doing there and then moving on.  They are takers all the way. 

I'm calling the sheriff the next time they try to steal my time!

Cornered

I just did a one!

What's a 1, you ask???

Well, I can't take credit for the term, but it means that I met with another person who monopolized the conversation for most of the time.  My friend, Sandy Pirwitz, who is a BNI Director, is the one who coined the phrase several years ago when caught in a similar situation.

But I think it's more embarrassing and frustrating for me because I'm known as the networking guru.  I should be able to manage better, right???

WRONG

This person watned me to know how wonderfully intelligent he was and also that he is an authority about everything...including areas of referral networking.  Including.......(fill  in the blank).

I had asked to schedule the event because this person had expressed a complaint about a program I oversee.  I wanted to hear his concerns and then hopefully solve some of those issues.  That didn't happen because this person didn't want solutions.

What did I learn from this situation that will help YOU in the future?  I wish I could give some really good advice here, but the only thing I have to say is just don't schedule with the type of person a second time.  Once burnt is enough.

Maybe you have some advice for me?????

Will Ya' Get a Business Card

OK, right up front here I am going to admit that I have broken some very important rules of networking in the past and will probably do so in the future.  Just last week, I forgot to take my phone in to a networking event and thus didn't have my calendar with me.  Notice, the word FORGOT.  I had brought a guest with me and we were busy talking.  At least that's my story and I'm stickin' to it.

So with that being said, I want to talk about a networker who made a conscious decision to not allow others to get back to her.  This person gave me her card and asked me to sign her up for our upcoming course preview.  I told her that I would be happy to do so and would send her the details via email if she would give me her card.  She did.  I didn't look at it.  Bad girl.  Both of us.

Later, I started to react to my promise with the aforementioned card.  All the information on the card front had been scratched out except for her name.  On the back she had written the URL of her multi-level marketing site, which I did visit in the hopes of getting a way to contact her.  It was just a general site with no apparent way to make that connection.

This person made a conscious decision to make it impossible for others to connect with her.  I have absolutely no reason why she would have done this, other than this might have been her subtle way of getting people to her website so they would purchase from her.

WRONG!

What do you think?

PS.  The card is now going in the trash so I won't have to obsess over it any more!

PPS.  I am not the only one she shared cards with as another networker made a comment to me about the same issue with this person.

Pieces of Naught

While visiting my friend, Deanna Tucci Schmitt, last week in Pittsburgh, we got up very early on Thursday morning to go to a BNI Visitor Day. This was for a chapter that Deanna is the executive director for.

Several hours later, I received a "spam" email from one of the guests who attended that morning. It was obvious that this person didn't listen during the presentation. At one point everyone in attendance is asked to stand and exchange business cards with other guests for just one minute. In my opinion the only reason that exercise is included is to get people active after they have been sitting and listening for awhile. But what do I know!

Later the person leading the session asks, "What do you think these cards represent?"

The correct answer is "just pieces of paper" because there is no relationship attached to them. BNI is about developing relationships so that members feel comfortable referring their best clients to each other. They would not refer a best client to someone they just met.

So the person who sent me the "buy from me" spam missed the whole concept. Also, since I live four hours away from Pittsburgh, it wouldn't be likely for me to do business with him.

And I'm sure that he felt satisfied that day when he had finished entering the names and addresses from ALL those cards into his system so he could send the email out.

Wonder if he got anyone else to bite?

The Host With the Most

In the past week or so, I have attended several networking events.

What's new, right?

Well, here is my insight that seems to be so obvious.

Two of the many that I attended stand out. And they stand out for less than wonderful reasons.

At both, the host of the event did NOT welcome people with a big smile.

I felt like an intruder at both occasions. And I was an invited guest to both.

I know that in the past I have been accused of having a poker face. I have to actively work on making sure my smile is part of my make-up.

The lesson here for all of us is to set the other concerns of the world aside for that few minutes we need to show people that we are happy they are attending our event. If not, we can be sure we won't have to be the host in the future because we won't have guests.

Blah, blah, blah, me, me, me

Yesterday afternoon a guy called me. I am loosely acquainted with him. But that's it, l-o-o-s-e-l-y!

He called because he wanted me to connect him with one of my friends who is a fairly important person in the BNI network. This gentleman who called me is not a member of BNI and the reason he wanted the connection was that he wanted to gain an opportunity to sell a product at an upcoming BNI conference. I shared with him that BNI does business with its members in all aspects. Therefore it would be fruitless for me to connect him with this person.

He went on to say, "Well you know, I've been a member of BNI in the past and I wouldn't have a problem joining again. I was also (at the same time) a member of (competing group to BNI) but neither of them have worked very well for me." Duh! I wonder why! I wonder where his loyalties lie? Probably not far outside his skin.

The whole, late, Friday afternoon conversation was about him, his product, his lack of success with networking groups, his referral requests that were not honored, etc. It just doesn't work for him. Never in the conversation did he talk about what he could give. I felt like I needed to wash my hands when I finally clicked the off button on the phone.

The frustrating part for me is that if people could just get the concept of giving without expectation, especially in the referral world, that wonderful things will come back. I truly do believe that the universe pays back, not necessarily in a direct way.

Anyway, thanks for letting me get that off my chest. I think it is especially impactful in this week before the American Thanksgiving. Maybe this week, we can all give a referral or help to someone who is not expecting it.

What do ya' think?